how do you know when you've grown apart from someone? how do you know when to end something. when you still love someone, but you don't love hem enough how do you handle that feeling?

 I don't really know what i'm writting about right now. I just feel like it's time to post something.
I'm sick of people making fun of other people. i'm tired of surrounding myself by negative energy it really drags you down after a while. things people say about my friends hurts me even if it doesn't ever get back to my friend. knowing that they are being made fun of is a pain in the ass. I'm sick of having to defend my friends from people. why can't everyone just be nice. i know i sound like i should live in candyland for saying that last line. but i'm serious. if everyone treated each other with respect. it would make everything so much easier.
i'm so at a loss for words sometimes. i truely can not understand people. why do we hurt each other if it's not how we would like to be treated ourselves. in a world already so full of pain, why must we intentionally cause more?

 Do you ever just suddenly come to the conclusion that you miss someone? you didn't even know you missed them till it just hits you, and you want that person back in your life but you don't know how to make that happen? i don't know if that person will ever forgive me, or if they will ever know i miss them. But i do. i wish things were easier. i wish we were both more understanding of each other. i wish i could just drive to montral and hang out with that person just like nothing had ever happend. we could go take photo's and drink coffee and talk about everything, just like we used to.
Not talking to this person has made me feel like a small part of me is missing. that i wish i still had that helpful friend nagging me about finances and school work. I wish we still could hang out every weekend. 
instead i just sit here and write to myself. no one will read this. no one is there to read this. no one with care...

 i know that's not much of a subject. but really how do you define what life is? you could argue that it is anythng from a figment of the imaginaition, meerly a human idea, that lacks serious cause and duality. 
how does anyone really know what life is. or for that matter god. i'm uspposed to be writting a paper on this topic for english and i don't know what angle to go with. god is an amazingly fluid being. it appears so broad spectrum throught civilizaitons that it is a hard theory to disprove. the theory of a higher power. yet we have no real evidence that a higher power, god, truely exists. there is only written word, or diagram, a human creation that says god's out there with his long white beard, watching over us and we should all praise him. but we can't if he doesn't exist. Where's that proof. 

i've never really understood why people act the way they do untill now. they act however they want in a reaction to how they are treated. if you vchange how you act towards a person, then they will react accordingly, and equally differnet. you never truely get to know someone. even if youi tink you do. you never will learn the secrets they are keeping from you. and never truely know how they feel. you'll never understand thier intentions untillit's to late to do anything aboutnthem.

then there are those moments in life when everything makes sense.
you get why you are in love with 2 people, and you are ok with that.
you get why people do drugs, you can relate to them, even if you haven't done them yourself.
you fullly understand the human psyche even if there is nothing to understand
even if we are just pawns for some game we do not fully understand

no matters what happend though, we are only human.
wheather we understand it or not is  adiffernet story.
but everyone was supposedly created equal so we should either all unerstand each other or not understand each other. but since we insist on being human, we makeour own decisions.

ever feel like everyting you're doing is wrong? or everything is going wrong? i'm there. i'm at a point where i feel that everything i do gets fucked up. i shouldn't even be doing this right now, i should be writting my english paper.
i received a letter yestarday that i was being summund to court. i was like what the fuck!!!
i read the letter. I was speeding back in june and got a ticket. i was doing 70 in a 55. you ever just zone out while you're driving so that you are consciously aware of what's going on around you, but you are completely oblivious to everything else. well it was one of those situations. i was driving to my boyfriends house and i was almost there and really thinking about him and not my speed. all of the sudden blue lights. 
So i payed my ticket on time... the whole 70 dollars. i then checked online becasue i knew that a ticket would mean points on my licence. i didn't know how many points a minor was allowed but i soon found out you can get 6 in one years time and you will get a three month suspension.
my ticket would be a three point penalty, so i was in the clear, right? apparently not.
i think it's bogus that i slipped up once, with a minor offence, 15mph over the limit, and they are suspending my licence.
CAN THEY DO THAT?!?
i'm so upset over this. a twenty day suspention!!! 20 days. i was already grounded for like 2 months, and i had to pay the ticket. 
if they suspend my licence, i won't be able to work for 3 weeks, at least, maybe longer if it takes them longer than a day to mail my licence back. 
i won't be able to pick my sisters up for my mom. 
oh yeah and my dad's wedding is on the same day as my court date... october 31!!! not to mention, i have halloween plans, and my mom will have to get out of work to take me... using her limited sick time.
you'd think the government would have something better to do then waste time and money on something that really matters like improving our current economical status or maybe catching all these fucking rapists you hear about on the news every night.
"another child was found dead today, we don't know who the killer is... but we will find them"
personally i think that the police and the department of saftey could be doing alot more with their time then b.s.ing with me. 
fuck i'm late for class. 

 hi, i'm posting a journal. 
i just did a photo shoot with <lj user="xamiyax">. look for pictures soon.

 i'm bored...
that's not good... it's the kinda sortta first day of summer vacation for me and i'm bored.
well technically i have like 3 things school related left to do which sucks cause i don't want to do them.
and i'll soon not have acces to the schools art room which really sucks.
i'm going to have to make earing using a handrill. how inconvienent.

I also don't know what to do about some people in my life. i'm really frustraighted with myself and my lack of decisions. i don't want to hurt anyone, or hurt anyone again... but i have to make some changes. 

i should really go to work soon. ew.

ok well
tootles

so i've begun working on the guitar pick earings that i have mentioned outside of the internet. For those of you who on't know, I'm making a variety of earings with guitar picks and i'm going to be selling them around places. i'm starting with owrd of mouth. then i'll sell them at mrs. chapmans in fairlee, revolutions in wrj, bellas in hanover, and finnally online. so stay tuned, i'll have pictures up soon.

eeek i just got live journal and i do'nt know what i'm doing whoopie!!!!!
this will be my photo journal. and such